4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

13 August 2011


With Queensland Labor destined for a bloodbath at the next state election, Cairns looks poised to maintain its lack of influence in state politics. It's now becoming clear that the Cairns LNP has preselected two candidates who have quickly become laughing-stocks in the community.

Check that - they were both laughing-stocks BEFORE preselection.

With Member for Cairns Desley Boyle slated for retirement (and a $1million taxpayer funded golden handshake for her fine service to the electorate Labor Party), the Laborites have put up one term Cairns council lightweight Kirsten Lesina, who has refused to step down from her council seat knowing full well that the Cairns electorate would be looking for Labor blood in the next election and she would be unlikely to win.  A "training" election, if you will.  Many have opined that Donald Duck could beat Lesina.  

I'm Using John Mackenzie's
personal Wigmaker!
So what does the Cairns LNP do?  Nominate a candidate that made us wish Donald Duck WAS nominated - ex-Cairns councillor and known fundamentalist, misogynist Paul Freebody.  Freebody, who was beaten by Lesina the child councillor at the last council election has an increasingly suspect business career and what many believe is a serious personality disorder.  Notoriously recorded on the Cueball MacKenzie show calling the female Cairns councillors "witches and bitches" for a refusal of his (now collapsed) waterpark project in Smithfield, Freebody now has committed political suicide in grand "personality disorder" style.

In an email sent out to supporters, Freebody has reportedly suggested that Prime Minister Julia Gillard should be murdered, wishing for her the same fate as JFK (John F. Kennedy, the American president assassinated in 1963).  While Freebody has professed his innocence providing instead some bullshit story about using Kevin Rudd's initials, given the widespread community revulsion at Mr. Freebody, stick a fork in him, he's done.  Even the angry-at-Labor Cairns voters would be unlikely to elect a right-wing religious terrorist.

Reports continue to circulate that Freebody is also under investigation by the ACCC for illegal investor solicitations involving the aborted waterpark project he was trying to get up - to be built in a known floodplain along the Cook Highway.  And don't get me started about the Car Wash Cafe, a project he claims is "so successful" he's trying now to sell it off to a THIRD group of suckers.  Former LNP leader Paul Langbroek famously defended Freebody's preselection as "the best candidate available".  Sadly for the LNP, that's probably true given who's running this mob in FNQ. 

Then there's the seat of Barron River, held by the invisible Steve Wettenhall.  Few in the community have ever seen or heard from Wettenhall, who only sends out any communication when it's time to vote again.  A man who has a list of accomplishments that's completely devoid of anything other than being a Labor lapdog in Brisbane, this marginal seat should have easily fallen to the LNP.

Trout shown operating his new
state-of-the-art laser flying fox
Instead, we have another preselected candidate, Michael Trout, who has now begun his own self-destruction by comments indicating that he's quite the environmental terrorist.  Trout, from a silver-spoon private school background, has parlayed family money into several low-end tourism businesses in the Cairns area.  One of them, Blazing Saddles, has recently been the location of a case of equine Hendra virus, which forced the facility (located several k's west of Kuranda) to close while state investigators worked on the problem in an attempt to determine the cause.

In response to the Hendra outbreak, Trout, who's millionaire cattle family is also a major exporter of live cattle to Indonesia, first suggested that "all the flying foxes should be culled".  When LNP heavyweights heard about Trout's environmental vandalism platform, he was quickly muzzled by them and then meekly suggested that a vaccine for Hendra virus needed to be quickly developed by the Queensland government.  Given that the Hendra virus is only transmitted to humans by horses, perhaps a more reasonable approach would be to cull all the horses. 

Blazing Saddles has a checkered history in Cairns.  First located in Palm Cove, persistent noise complaints from the ATV's and environmental damage caused by the operation on public land around Sweet Creek forced the business finally out to past Kuranda.  And the business has been no great shakes there, either with numerous complaints of shoddy service making it one of the tourism businesses to give a pass when here.

So what's the likely result of all this LNP stupidity in Cairns?  Campbell Newman and his "Cando" crowd can easily win the next Queensland state election with or without any North Queensland seats.  With shitty candidates being pushed into these preselections (why don't we have preselection primaries like in the USA, anyway?), Cairns is looking likely to elect two members in opposition in these seats.  

If you think we got nothing for Cairns from Labor members of a Labor government, wait until you see how we're treated with Labor members in an LNP government.  Sadly, that's what will be the result when you let hillbillies run your party in North Queensland, Campbell.


Bus.Op. said...

Freebody's selection as Candidate for Cairns was not popular within the ranks of the local LNP with Warren Entsch the loudest dissenter. My guess is Freebody's emails have been deliberately sabotaged. Someone has probably hacked into his computer as well.

nomooremike said...

A good post, up until this bit ....

"If you think we got nothing for Cairns from Labor members of a Labor government, wait until you see how we're treated with Labor members in an LNP government."

We'd get nothing from an LNP government in Brisbane whoever is elected, Labor, LNP or independent.

Labor hasn't always been in power in Queensland, and we got fuck all when the Nationals were in power.

CBD Warrior said...

The Cairns LNP has no one smart enough to hatch a "plot" against Freebody or anyone else, Bus. Op. This blog is spot on the facts and analysis - if the LNP doesn't get a reasonable candidate up for the seat of Cairns, we're stuffed for another parliamentary term. With all the pressures a new LNP government is going to face, the last thing they're going to do is start doling out money in seats they don't hold! The same is true of Michael Trout, who's off-the-cuff remarks show him incapable and ignorant. His blatant attempt to politicise his personal Hendra problem showed he's only in this for the dosh.

Ed in Edge Hill said...

I"m no "greenie", but I was stunned when Michael Trout called for killing all the bats. While many coastal cities around the world have mosquito and insect problems, Cairns does not. Why? The bats. Remove the bats and we're back to living in some tropical jungle.

I didn't realise at first that Trout the candidate was also the owner of this Blazing Saddles where they have the Hendra problem. Now it all makes sense. Thanks mate.

Terry Vance said...

Ed in Edge Hill, I wasn't aware of the relationship between flying foxes, mosquitos and insects. I always thought flying foxes were complete herbivores???

Ed in Edge Hill said...

From several sources on the net including "Bat Basics" at Brown University:

"Bats are Important in Many Ways:

Controlling the insect population. A single little brown bat can catch up to 600 mosquitoes in an hour, and some bats can even catch up to 2,000 mosquito-sized insects in an hour.
Pollinating plants. In the wild, bats are responsible for new plant growth through pollination and seed dropping. This is especially important in tropical areas. But even in drier climates such as the North American southwest, nectar-feeding bats are the main pollinators of certain plants-in this case, the saguaro cactus.
Certain bats are helpful to farmers. These bats help save crops from damage by eating root worms."

Anonymous said...

Just clarifying and going a bit off topic but flying foxes are mega bats which have no radar but very good eyesight and sense of smell. Their food sources are blossoms and fruit, depending on the species. They are of major importance in maintaining species diversity in our local rainforests.
Micro bats, as the name suggests are much smaller and rely on echo location to navigate their way around as well as for finding food such as insects. They are the ones you'll sometimes find hanging up inside your back shed or in our case, sometimes buzzing in through our back door in the evening for a lap around the loungeroom!

CBD Warrior said...

Freebody's appearance on tonight's news broadcasts exposed him as the lying arsehole we all know. The story has changed again, as he realises that his computer is implicated in the emails. He's now blaming it on an unidentified member of his family. What a fucking lowlife! If I was his kids I'd smack the shit outta this loser father.

Bob R. said...

What's that old saying? "Children are the last refuge of the scoundrel"? - something like that.

KitchenSlut said...

"Over sixty different kinds occur in Australia. Most eat insects, but eight feed only on flowers and fruit, and are known as fruit-bats or flying-foxes."

I believe Anonymous and Vance are correct and that we are talking herbivore fruit bats. Micro-bats can be frequently encountered chasing insects at night and often invade my bedroom via the open balcony doors.

However, Ed of Edge Hill, if I am sleepless because of nightmares about being attacked by a fruit bat swooping into my bedroom to snare a mozzie from my bum then I will blame you!