4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

17 November 2011

JOHN MACKENZIE AND GAVIN KING TEAM UP TO ADVOCATE NEW FORM OF GOVERNMENT - EVERYTHING GETS A PLEBISCITE, AND ONLY USERS PAY

THE COMMUNITY HAS VOTED - SHUT DOWN 4CA!
"Margaret in Cow Bay" calls into today's 4CA idiotbox, and proclaims that "she's not going to use the Entertainment Precinct, so why should (I) she pay for it in her rates".


Dimwit John MacKenzie replies, "well absolutely right, Margaret that's the feeling around Cairns by the vast majority of people".


With that, Cueball and his sidekick "Don't Rape Me" Gavin King have now outlined their vision for government in Far North Queensland.  The only two clauses in the CUEBALL-KING CONSTITUTION FOR CAIRNS ARE:


Article I:  Elected leaders can't do anything unless submitted to a plebiscite.
Artcle II:  Ratepayers will only pay for services they use.


With this new CUEBALL-KING CONSTITUTION in place, the Cairns Regional Council will only be able to charge residents for the government services they actually use.   


GPS meters will be installed in every motor vehicle in the Cairns Region.  Drive on the Cook Highway?  You'll receive a bill.  Get off the highway onto a local road, you'll receive a different bill, as the road is under local ownership.  Road crews will all now include a council employee with a "tip jar" - no tip, see how long you sit there with the lollipop man holding the STOP sign in front of you.


Of course, all parking is charged.  Even on private property, where council planning staff was used to approve the parking, this parking will incur a charge.


Then you'll need to get out and walk on the footpath?  One can opt for the "tread count" charge, or the optional $259/year flat fee which includes all council footpaths - - and as we're having a sale this week you can include pushbike riding on the footpath for only $1.99 additional!  This sale price however doesn't include locking up that pushbike at the library ($1/hour), nor the library "browse" fee of $10 per visit.   A "Frequent Browser" card will be available in the next financial year, but in a moment of largess the library will hold their book charge to 50cents per day, per book.


And while you're out, be sure to stop at the bank for some nice crisp $10 notes, because one will need to be included with your bin for collection.  And your son Flipper will need a $10 note to use the new skate park, or Muddy's Playground.  


Need a copper?  You'll all be pleased to note the QPS is set up to answer your calls promptly; they take Visa and Mastercard (but obviously no American Express).  Thanks for the reminder, Athena!


Of course dog licensing will need to increase, however Council does offer a rebate for every time your dog shits on council-owned shrubbery, saving money on fertiliser.  However Council under no circumstances will credit 4CA or Gavin King for the piles of shit they leave outside their workplaces, as their shit has proven to have little substance of value.


Tourists of course get everything for free because after all that's what Cairns is for.  Kind of like a big outdoor "Disneyland in the Tropics", without the popcorn.


We here at the Hillbilly Watch look forward to this new and exciting method of governance as advocated by John MacKenzie and Gavin King, and as the Daintree Ferry sadly doesn't pay its way despite the charge, council has scrapped it.  All those living north of the Daintree River don't need to worry about any more pesky road charges getting to Mossman.  They'll have to swim for it.  


And don't pat the crocs - this ain't a kiddie zoo, ya' know.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah well Margaret you bovine cow at Cow Bay. Why should I have to pay for all the football and sports fields, tennis courts, Sugarworld etc in Cairns when I don't use them hey? Why should I have to pay for all the recycle bins being emptied each week when I only fill mine up once every eight weeks?

Rastapopoulos said...

And that idiot "Pearl" in Wank-Ghetto will have to pay for the upkeep of the Mossman Gorge, which many people in Cairns only visit sporadically.

She is another person who almost chokes on her own anger and she does not even live anywhere near Cairns. Another good reason to de-amalgamate.

Anybody who goes on public radio singing imbecile, self-composed tunes denigrating the Mayor should be locked up in a padded room.

And people who sit there creaming themselves listening to this shite and are even encouraging it are either thoroughly evil or seriously demented.

Raj, the serial pest, has now come with a convoluted theory that the argument that the project will create jobs doesn't stack up, because of skills shortages !!!

Wonder what his next argument will be why it can't be done.

Will somebody give that man a job on a banana farm somewhere, please...he'd be too tired to talk shit after an honest day's work.

Rastapopoulos said...

And that idiot "Pearl" in Wank-Ghetto will have to pay for the upkeep of the Mossman Gorge, which many people in Cairns only visit sporadically.

She is another person who almost chokes on her own anger and she does not even live anywhere near Cairns. Another good reason to de-amalgamate.

Anybody who goes on public radio singing imbecile, self-composed tunes denigrating the Mayor should be locked up in a padded room.

And people who sit there creaming themselves listening to this shite and are even encouraging it are either thoroughly evil or seriously demented.

Raj, the serial pest, has now come with a convoluted theory that the argument that the project will create jobs doesn't stack up, because of skills shortages !!!

Wonder what his next argument will be why it can't be done.

Will somebody give that man a job on a banana farm somewhere, please...he'd be too tired to talk shit after an honest day's work.

Mal Johnson said...

I understand from attendees at yesterday's council meeting on the Entertainment Project that Alan Blake is now voting "NO" on every motion, even when the motion is to just ACCEPT a report.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Does he think anyone will reelect a juvenile obstructionist? Blake has done little in his time at council besides sulk and brood over his failure to be named "Vice Mayor", and then being bounced as chairman of the finance committee. His son hates him, his ability to get broads is non-existent, and even his business mates have turned on him.

You're quite a piece of work, Alan. Keep voting "NO" on everything that comes to council, including your own reelection. Imbecile.

Buzz said...

Yeah well it looks like it's the Base Hospital 1995, all over again. The State Government is getting pissed off AGAIN with all the screaming and bellyaching and bitching and is threatening to pull the funding. Here we go AGAIN. Yeah give it to Townsville too. Who gives a shit if the turist industry here just tanks.

athena said...

Christ, just when you think people can't get any stupider. Wonder if that retard Margaret reckons she shouldn't pay for the police force because she "hasn't had to use them". Wonder what drug she's on?
Probably growing mushrooms up there at Cow Bay. What a fuckwit.

bogan said...

Eh? Far as I knew Blake the Snake had no probs in pulling the birds. Must be that little red Noddy car he had.

Curly Joe said...

Yeah well looks like we're gonna have Blake the Snake back as Councillor for Division 5 because no other bastard has put his or her hand up. Christ or mighty, Blake looks like getting re-elected UNOPPOSED.

Second Anonymous said...

Curly Joe, I'm sure the Mayor will not let that happen. There will be a quality candidate for Div5.

Second Anonymous said...

Raj is supportive of council projects. So long as they are to do with sport. Sports he plays. Located close to his home.

Second Anonymous said...

Article 1: Elected leaders can't do anything unless submitted to a plebiscite.

That is the point of having elected leaders if the do not lead. Time to end the campaign Gavin - you just made politicians redundant.

Article 2: Ratepayers will only pay for the services they use.

A large number of residents are not ratepayers - they are TENANTS. There goes the budget.

Second Anonymous said...

How long before Margaret the Cow of North of the Daintree realises that people will actually have to pay for the shows they see at the entertainment precinct.

Shhhh. Let's just keep it our little secret.

Second Anonymous said...

Message for 4CA LISTENERS:

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID
BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE DIAL

Curly Joe said...

Thank Christ Second Anonymous for that.

bogan said...

Then again Blakey could have dozens of $100 notes stuffed up his crotch and hanging out his fly. That'd bring the birds in, well not the sort you would want to wake up with in the morning, more the mynah bird type of bird if you know what I mean, sort of common and ugly.

George said...

bogan you're gonna put someone in hospital one day. There should be some asterisks or something beside your nickname,saying Read at your own risk.

Mr Anon4 said...

I don't use the aptly named Cow Bay or Wank-getti. Can I get a refund please?

Rastapopoulos said...

The usual conga line of whining and bitching bit players polluted the airwaves for most of the morning, endlessly repeating the same old tiresome dribble over and over again.

First we got the Pearl the Psychotic Parrot spitting the dummy for 10 minutes in what could only be described as the hysterical outburst of a lunatic.

She was followed by all the regular brain dead cranky old blokes reading from their anti-everything scripts.

Highlight of the morning was when Raj, the serial pest, got his own dubious calculations so mixed up that no less than the deputy Cockroach had to correct him.

Maaarg then left the cat out of the bag. The 40 million dollar value of the precinct area is based on the income (rates) that would be derived from high-rise apartments, had they been built there.

It is pretty obvious that all the talk about "a working port" is just a pack of lies, despite the ignorant Raj insisting that no city in the world is developing its port area with recreational facilities.

He then repeated a bizarre statement he made yesterday ; there is a skills shortage and building the entertainment precinct will drive up wages and therefore increase rates...the deputy Cockroach wholeheartedly agreed.

Unfortunately the ailing bilious former member of Australia's most corrupt state government was unable to leave his oxygen tent today. I would love to hear him choke on air. Now that would be a scoop...

It is odd that this mob that is usually pro-development, regardless if it is massive blocks of concrete dog-boxes in the most unsuitable locations and regardless if it involves the demoloition of what little heritage we have, is so dead set against the entertainment precinct.

Older readers might remember the construction of the Pier...the bitching and complaining on a certain radio station went on for months...

Talk back radio ? It sounds more like talk back therapy to me...

Second Anonymous said...

Raj probably thinks the Sydney Opera House is out in the suburbs.

Anon No.4 said...

Raj is incapable of thinking.