4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

29 November 2012

GAVIN KING, THE MP WITH BIG IDEAS AND A BIGGER MOUTH, SPRINGS INTO ACTION AFTER COMPLAINTS ABOUT TOURISTS ABANDONED AT YORKEY'S KNOB (AGAIN) (sigh).

CELEBRITY MILLENIUM, ANCHORED OFF
YORKEY'S KNOB THIS MORNING
Once again, a story last night on WIN Local News highlighted the plight of big-spending tour boat arrivals.  The business community, the Chamber of Commerce, Ports North, the Cairns Regional Council -  no one in the community can organise to meet them, sell them on our wonderful city, and make them feel welcome.  This crowd couldn't even organise a piss-up in a brewery.

Then like lightning, jumping into the breach?  Gavin "Don't Rape Me" King, Member for MacKenzie and Cairns' tourist advocate to the Joh Bjelke Newman government.   With so much money for Cairns squandered by King and his LNP colleagues since the election, King under pressure came up with the perfect, thoughtful solution to the problem.  

He said, on television, "I've been looking into getting a "Welcome" sign installed.

That's right - his big idea?  A fucking "Welcome" sign.

Jaws dropped.  Fireworks went off.  Women swooned.  Babies cried.  Hallelujah!  It's this kind of intelligent, out-of-the box thinking that got King elected to this important post.  

However bloggers, being the cynics we are, we were prepared to criticise the buffoonery of the idea, and the years we would have to wait for such an extravagance to appear on the foreshore of Yorkey's Knob.  But just this afternoon, King was able to get his sign erected in time to welcome day-trippers on the Celebrity Millennium.





Another service from the Can-Do LNP government you elected, Cairns!

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know, I watched him, shame job!

ruby said...

I laughed like mad when I read what you did with the sign HBW!! Frankly, I don't see why someone can't put up a pontoon at Yorkeys Knob, an information kiosk, and arrange to have some buses out there when the ships arrive. Where is the "Go, get 'em" pro-active approach to tourists that you see in other countries such as the USA? On and on this stupid "dilemma" goes with everyone sitting there, waiting, waiting, and waiting for pigs to fly and the State Goverment coughs up the millions to "dredge". Trinity Inlet.

CBD Warrior said...

ANOTHER BRILLIANT HBW! You struck gold again! King's comments were pathetic but the twist is a masterpiece!

Anonymous said...

I heard Mr King make this announcement on TV and nearly fell of of the Lazyboy -what a magnificent idea "a sign" I thought he meant a sign from the Almighty that he is doing the best job ever for Cairns and he will be blessed with goods and lots of Heavenly bounty. God help us all.

Sapphire Sparkles said...

Solent there be another one at the airport welcoming the freaks and weirdos?

T.Asquith said...

A WELCOME SIGN! This man is gifted.
Question: Will the sign be erected solely utilising government funds, or will it be a public-private partnership. If the latter, perhaps the Yorkey's Knob Boat Club can be invited to participate.

Destiny Prophet said...

Very nice sign - I'm glad our state government is doing things for us.

But usually those signs feature someone with large breasts.

Perhaps they should have used Wazza.

Tony Hillier said...

Another well-directed King hit!

Anonymous said...

Did I just hear correctly on the local Seven news tonight that Smithfield police have just had two bikes donated to them by a private business so they can effectively do their job?
Another explanation/excuse from our local representatives coming soon?

JOHN MACKENZIE'S HILLBILLY WATCH said...

The absurdity of King's comment was obvious when we went out to Yorkey's today to see the situation first-hand.

Even IF (a big IF) the LNP government decides to dredge the Trinity Inlet, ships like this will still be required to anchor at Yorkey's Knob. And as the cruise ships are getting larger, they will be anchoring at Yorkey's long into the future.

So you'd think instead of King's $3M bus stop at JCU, the $3M would be better spent building a terminal and reception centre at Yorkey's Knob would be a required investment no matter what.

The ignorance shown by Gavin King on virtually every issue is staggering. And even more stunning is the invisibility of Bob Manning and his council of do-nothings.

Terry Pritchard said...

Why the fuck would you spend $3m doing anything for the Boat People at Yorkeys?

Local bus and tourist operators have no idea how many buses and tours are needed when a boat comes into Yorkeys, if at all, are they expected to turn up just in case?

The only people guaranteed to meet them are the tour operators the passengers have already booked with.

What we need is a pier coming off the Esplanade, out into deep water, with a funfair and water-slides, like Brighton Pier.

Anonymous said...

The cost of dredging would buy a lot of infrastructure at Yorkey's and millions left over.
Makes you wonder at the economics of it in the first place. These ships also go to the Whitsundays and Port Douglas, neither of which have ports to accommodate them. It's also probably cheaper for cruise line operators to off-shore their passengers into destinations such as Cairns, so even if dredging is undertaken, it doesn't mean operators are obligated to use the port.

ruby said...

Off topic, I know, but I've just heard where the Newman Govt rushed through legislation this afternoon denying Katters Party official government party status now they have three sitting members. Typical LNP nastiness!

Seth said...

ROFL ruby! Newman makes members swear an oath of allegiance to him (which is unprecedented in Australian political history), then after members complain about this dictatorial attitude, expels them from the LNP, then when they join Katters Party, Newman rushes in to prevent them from being officially recognised as a parliamentary party. Sounds like something the President of Haiti would do. Next step would be to jail or kill particular pesky opponents. Oh wait, hasn't Clive Palmer said there was a conspiracy to jail him and grab his assets??

jim-bob jnr said...

Oh alright Seth, I'm already having fucken nightmares about Idi Amin, Papa Doc, Franco, Mussolini, Pol Pot and all that mob. Wake meself up in the middle of the night with a hammering heart in a pool of sweat like, hearing the sound of marching jackboots. I say, old Clive should keep himself pretty visible for the next several years or we will all start crapping ourselves.

Vi L. Schumm said...

This episode reminds me of your previous posting on the dismal approach to Cairns from the airport and the contrast with new airports in China. For the less-travelled, like your humble correspondent, consider Singapore, with a well-appointed, well-run (government-owned) airport, multiple and cheap transport to the city and clean, tree-lined streets when you get there. We don't need to go to the extent of banning chewing gum but a bit more consideration of 'How do we attract tourists with a well-kept and value-for-money city?' rather than 'How do we extract maximum dollar from tourists for the private sector?' would be a start. That way the tourists, the Cairns private sector, and the Cairns public would all benefit.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 16:53 'An evil and adulterous generation asks for a sign.' (Matthew 16:4)

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord! Give us a sign! A sign, oh Lord!

k.nevill said...

i have been at yorkeys a couple of years back to meet friends who were on a cruise. We spent the afternoon at the club and it was painfully obvious that no one is doing anything to welcome these tourists. No one is doing anything to take advantage of the tourist dollar that is being dropped into our laps at Yorkeys. The boat club potentially has a windfall but all they have done over the years is put up a sign saying "come in". They,or the council,or one of the numerous tourism bodies we have could devote part of the carpark to a tent city with offerings similar to the esplanade on the weekend. Or whats say they all get their heads together and come up with aplan to generate something, anything for the poor buggers who get off the boat but are not booked on a tour. here is an idea to start them off. Council and the numerous tourist bodies agree to fund 3 buses that would run at 20 minute intervals into cairns and dropped at the bus stop area near the pier. Tourists charged $5 return. Dredging the inlet, even if it happens is years away and even then there will be a number of ships that will not come in because their draft is too deep for the channel or the ship owners opt for the cheaper option of mooring off yorkeys. Doing something, anything at yorkeys is a no brainer.....erecting a welcome sign is a no brains option from an idiot. Old saying but so true in this case....its better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt. And he is supposedly the assistant minster for tourism hahahahahahahaha. He organisede a meeting of all the important people of cairns (males, that is...and only if you are not labour ) to try and protect poor old mannering from the jibes of the chamber "to get off his arse and start doing something for the cairns business people" but does not have the good sense to get a group of together and have a meeting to sort this out. What about a meeting at yorkeys when the next boat comes in! I would love to hear some comments from people in this industry who can throw some light on why nothing is happening at yorkeys.

Anonymous said...

k. nevill, your post makes sense. Something needs to be built at Yorkeys and soon. The issue has been dragging on for years.

Terry Pritchard said...

Why are ANY tourists taken from the boats to Yorkeys?

If they are on tenders, bring them into the city.

The boats don't have to anchor just there, there's deep water nearer to the city than Yorkeys.

The problem is, no business is going to take a chance on turning up just in case there's money to be earned.

Paste this into the search bar of Google Earth or Google maps, this is what we need, out into deep water, and off the Esplanade, not Yorkeys ... 50°48'54.49"N 0° 8'13.60"W

Mick said...

Terry, its probably a workplace health and safety issue that they can't moor closer to the city because of the danger of explosive materials in our soon to be dredged/updated industrial port precinct - the one promised by our Mayor and local member. The costs alone for the amount of orange webbing and warning signs required would be prohibitive!

Destiny Prophet said...

For most of last century the Australian Labor Party schemed to turn Queensland into a totalitarian Stalinist regime. Only Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen confounded their evil plots. But now with Joh dead the Labor Party finally concocted a scheme so cunning, so devilish, so fiendish that Queensland succumbed. Their plan - so simple in its execution - get Queensland to vote for Campbell Newman

Jethro said...

LOL Destiny, Just keep your eye on Palmer. Should he suddenly disappear as jim-bob suggests, then it's time for all of us to mizzle off for the Southern States as fast as we can.

Bob R. said...

One measly sign is probably about all Newman will fund us. I see where he's going to close down a lot of TAFEs and sell some off to private enterprise as well. More State assets to be sold off.

Anonymous said...

I can't recall our previous MP Desley Boyle ever being accused of making BIG headlines out of such stupid solutions to a problem such as the hospital sign, the Bolt thing and now this one. She just got on with the job for the benefit of the people of Cairns without any yahoo.

Vi L. Schumm said...

Give us a sign 1.

The Cairns Post has just given us a clear sign of Mayor Bob's priorities and they don't seem to include a Cultural Precinct.

"BARLOW Park has been named the preferred site for a 20,000-capacity rectangular stadium in Cairns but it will take more than $110 million to complete the transformation. Cairns Mayor Bob Manning supports the results of an extensive study that narrowed down a list of 20 locations to just two, and found Barlow Park was a better prospect than the other option, the Cairns Showgrounds."

With a State Government unwilling to stump up even the $38 million promised before the elections, the chances of it contributing large amounts to an electorate already swinging away from the LNP are about the same as they are for reinstating Alex Douglas to the Ethics Committee.

Vi L. Schumm said...

Give us a sign 2.

Again from the Cairns Post "NAMING the iconic drive to Port Douglas the Great Barrier Reef Drive could see it rival the Great Ocean Road.
So says a Port Douglas tourism organisation which wants to brand that section of the Captain Cook Highway using the Reef association."

This will obviously attract millions of tourists and all it needs is a sign. Or perhaps 2 if the Council can obtain some extra money from the state Government for another sign at Port Douglas.

jim-bob jnr said...

Yeah, good one, turn Barlow Park into a 20,000 seat stadium and when the crowds come to watch a big game, watch all the young hoons head straight for the CBD afterwards. YAHOO. Young, all fired up after a game, and into it. If anyone is whinging about fights and brawling in the CBD now, wait until the 20,000 seat stadium is erected. For fucken chrissakes if you want a 20,000 seat stadium then build the thing outside town somewhere, like Townsville did, well away from streets full of bars and pubs.

Anonymous said...

We had the money Mr Mayor or don't you remember? I am sure the Feds will be really happy to hand back all the cash that was on the table for the CEP. Cando is too busy organising something worth much more in Brisbane to be bothered about anything in FNQ..

Anonymous said...

Iwonder if the bald headed parrot will be banging on about the money wasting 'Bobcano' on his show. Footy is far more important than culture in this town evidently. Why is it that Cazalys can build a world class oval as a community organisation and yet the taxpayer has to fund a 20 000 seat white elephant that I bet will rarely be filled.

Anonymous said...

we have been duded fucken big time buy this newspaper boy and the screw driver pie man.Now i gather theres a sign man in on the take as well.

Tony Hillier said...

Nick Dalton and fellow Compost hacks and corporate spin doctors can talk up things to their hearts content, but all signs point inexorably to Cairns once again becoming a neglected northern outpost (for Queensland read BrisVegas) ... except that the city no longer exhibits the raffish charm that lured so many here in the mid-80s (yours truly included).

Anonymous said...

We cannot have a rectangular stadium with a referendum sillies.

KitchenSlut said...

That's a great sign Hillbilly however I must say that I'm disappointed it makes no mention of a "gateway" which is apparently indispensible in tourism marketing? We need more Gateways! So would it be possible to include "Yorkeys Knob the Gateway to Cairns"? Perhaps on the other side facing the sea!

Anonymous said...

The boyc club go to a referendum?? Consult with the public?? Are you mad? That's only for WOMEN to do.

Anonymous said...

Cazaly's is funding theirs by stealing people's wages and pensions with their poker machines. A $ 110 million stadium, yeah right. Who's gonna pay for that Bob ? Will the usual anti CEP mob start whinging about their rates again ? Probably not this time.

Destiny Prophet said...

KitchenSlut,

What a great point - and while they're at it what about a sign for Port Douglas? "Port Douglas: the Gateway to Mossman".

Terry Pritchard said...

I support the Cairns Pride. Home games attract no more than 2-300 people, even when the entrance is free, so who is going to fill a 20,000 seat stadium?

The Cowboys' average gates are between 12-14,000, the North Queensland Fury, when they were going, could hardly attract 3,000, and that's in a city far more sports minded than Cairns.

This is pandering to the bogans who put these idiots in.

Sports Fan said...

They should leave Barlow Park as an Athletics Track and Field Complex as 10s of thousand of children use that venue every year,it shouldn't be all about boof heads in sport.

ruby said...

When the 20,000 seat stadium was first mooted by Stench as part of his election campaign, there was a flurry of letters to the compost plus phone calls to Mackenzie's program saying that the stadium would also serve just as well as a theatre, so there wasn't any need for the Entertainment Precinct. Yeah, you can just see the oldies sitting up there in the stadium watching their Morning Melodies hey?

Anonymous said...

wanking is only good for signs and slogans and bugger all else look at the tier one hospital election promise what did we get four fucking no smoking signs he is gone like his lnp mates next election make no mistake

Jethro said...

See where Dr Douglas the State LNP Member for Graven has just confirmed what we all suspected about Campbell Newwman, that he is a bullyboy despot demanding loyalty in writing and "terrifying" MPs into submission. Explains why King has been so passive while millions and millions of $$ have been withdrawn from Cairns. He just doesn't have the cojones to stand up and be a man to a thug like Newman.

Seth said...

We all knew that right from the start Jethro. King is nothing but a keyboard warrior, full of fighting words when he is behind a PC but full of lip quivering, trembling and pissed pants when he is not. I predict King will switch political parties once it is safe to do so. It has already started with LNP members leaving the LNP, and once there are a respectable number of them and the community sympathy is with them, then this craven King will jump ship.

KitchenSlut said...

I'm thinking of starting an #gateway hashtag on twitter but where to start! Woree, gateway to Lotus Glen? LNP, gateway to KAP? Edge Hill, gateway to pretensiousness?

Anonymous said...

Love it KitchenSlut.
LNP - Gateway to KAP.

Destiny Prophet said...

LNP - Gateway to KAP

KitchenSlut - that is magic!

I- Ratepayer said...

Were we asked before the elections whether we wanted a new stadium? We were constantly told we could not afford a CEP even though much of the money would have come from the State and federal governments. More to the point, has a marketing study been done to see whether there are 20,000 people who would attend events there? Other comments suggest not. And word on the street is that every other large stadium in Queensland loses money. Would this be a white elephant which will suck money long term from Cairns ratepayers.

Anonymous said...

Sports Fan, the BOYS CLUB of Cairns dont give a stuff about the kids in the area. It's only about election popularity with the rednecks mate. And a 20000 footie stadium beats an Entertainment Precinct in the electoral popularity stakes hands down. The rednecks also wouldnt give a stuff about the needs of kids. Stench King and Manning all know this.

Anonymous said...

The 20000 seat stadium has already been used as a vote catcher, by Stench, who first raised it as a carrot for the hillbillies in the Federal Election and to help derail the Entertainment Precinct. It was a cuning election ploy, playing up the bogans, rednecks and hillbillies, like kids. My guess is nothing will happen until the next Federal Election when Stench will pass it on, baton like, to the LNP candidate to "promise".