4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

10 December 2013

unSIR BOB NORMAN - AFTER COMEDIC PERFORMANCE AS CAIRNS HOSPITAL CHAIR EXPECTS LONG-TERM CONTRACT IN AQUIS COMEDY CLUB



The Cairns Post had an "exclusive" story that unSir Bob Norman shared with them this morning. Shrieks of laughter were heard to come from homes and units across our fair city as people read it.  The "exclusive" report was about the "innovative" Bob Norman idea to - get this - try to attract doctors and other hospital professionals by telling them how great Cairns is.

(We'll wait until you're done laughing, too).

Then Norman breathlessly reveals that the idea is "adapted" (read:stolen) from the recruiting model at the Cairns Private Hospital.  

In other words Bob, your "exclusive" is little more than wallaby shit on my shoe.  Great job, Bob.

Norman says when they get an appropriate candidate, they'll "spruik the charm of Cairns" to the candidate.

Which charm is that, Bob-o?  The charm of the "hoards of teenage ratbags that run thru the CBD snatching purses and stealing cars"  (a quote from your mate, John MacKenzie)?

Or the charm of "disgusting filthy drunks from the communities who can't be moved on by the Queensland Police Service"?  The communities with "30 times the crime" (according to MacKenzie) and where many of your indigenous patients come from!

Then there's the "charm" of Aquis, the Chinese casino that will be filled with Asian gamblers who don't give a shit about reef, rainforest, and World Heritage anything.  And after the state government invests not one shilling into vital infrastructure for this resort what do you think will happen to the current group of doctors that came here for nature amenity?  Can you really find enough medical specialists attracted by alcohol intoxication, 24 hour casino gambling, motels filled with Chinese whores, and the gutting of our green, reef & rainforest experience? 

Every line of this interview a laugher, hey Bob!

He says "we want to talk about recreational and cultural facilities".  You got some heat-stroke there, Bob?  You wouldn't be talking about the wonderful Cairns Cultural Precinct that you fought tooth and nail against because your family goes to Brisbane and Sydney concerts?  

And then you bellow "we don't have a bad reputation, it's in the connotations".  And where did those "connotations" come from, Bob?  You ever listen to 4CA? 

You're a riot, Bob.  Funny as a crutch! 

With the audience now warmed up and pealing with laughter, Norman goes for the big finish and says  "we've even got scope to have a local Cairns unRegional councillor meet and give Cairns a plug".

You're killing us, Bob.  NO ONE sees most of the councillors, not even their own Cairns constituents.   And you think they'll be good at selling the community to new doctors?  We don't think that Cr. Greg Fennell can even find Cairns on a map.  

You're a scream, Bob!  A scream!

Oh, and when you gonna do something about all them filthy smokers in front of the hospital?

We can hear the hacking and wheezing from here!



11 comments:

CBD Warrior said...

Wait. . . .too . . .funny. . .can't. . .breathe. . . call. . .ambo. . .

Spectacular stuff lately, HBW. Spectacular.

74 said...

Greg Fennell? I've heard of him... didn't he sell cars? Where has he been for the last few years?

Smithfield Sam said...

Hey, I've got a missing councillor, too. Are we paying these people or what?

Smithfield Sam said...

Hey, I've got a missing councillor, too. Are we paying these people or what?

Jan from Kewarra said...

By April 2014, Cairns will be lucky to have any public doctors at all with the LNP's new contract system coming into effect.

Public Hospital doctors have the option of signing a contract by April. If they fail to sign the contract, they stay on staff but have their $25,000 Qld bonus removed, which was introduced in the early 1990s (I think) to encourage doctors to move to Queensland and which meant that Qld doctors were paid more than in other states.

I know of two hospital doctors who move to Melbourne this week, so we are losing specialists in diabetes, sexual health and rehab.

Another doctor, has just come back from rural Victoria on a fact finding mission, told me that they are seriously considering a move too.

How many other specialists are we going to be losing in North Queensland and Queensland due to 'Work Choices Revisited' policy?

Good Luck with your doctor hunting un Sir Bob - I don't like your chances with or without Aquis!!!

Hamish Krint said...

At least the doctors won't have any problem with mental health patients because they will all be locked up from now on and ready to be seen by a doc 24/7 - how's that for convenience??? Bet you don't get that in YOUR existing city doc!

Anonymous said...

Keep it going, keep it going Bob. Give it a few more years when Aquis is up and running, and 40,000 extra people are living here, and tens of thousands are staying at Aquis each week, our hospital will probably collapse and the military will have to shoot people trying to get hospital treatment. Now doesn't that thought bring on a huge smile?

Observer said...

I think you will find a lot of the wealthy citizens of Cairns fly inter-state or overseas now for medical treatment. They don't give a shit about people unable to afford to do so. I forsee the situation getting worse as hospitals particularly ours here struggles to cope with increasing demand. Ive aleady heard that ambulances are ramping up again, but of course The Cairns Post doesn't publish anything like that, now that Newman is Premier.

Anonymous said...

Cairns: Get a pain, get on a plane. And thus has it always been - for those with the resources to do so.
For the rest; good luck, you need it.

Anonymous said...

From 4 people I know that required a hospital 1 went to Sydney, 2 to Townsville and one went to Cairns. So a long way to go yet. Tier one spruiking by King was obviously an attempt at humour.

Anonymous said...

unSir Bob is a despicable individual who opposed the entertainment precinct due to a morbid hate of our former capable female mayor. All the women in his family, including his affable late mother, are/were expected to be subservient to the their males. We are talking Cairns 1960s all over again. Any capable women have little chance at the moment with these old misogynist types dominating the scene and would be best to take their talent elsewhere. At least time is against types like Norman and Manning. Can't live forever. As for Tenni, I can't believe some doctor in town is extending his miserable corrupt life!