4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

03 January 2015


Rumours swirl about an early election being called by Campbell Newman as the LNP is increasingly concerned about Palmer United Party candidates "splitting" the conservative votes and giving Labor a shot at government again.

Gavin "Don't Rape Me" King, the Member for McKenzie and Michael "Hide the Backhoe" Trout from Barron River have both been MIA the last couple weeks - reportedly at the order of the LNP hierarchy.  Even politicians are astounded at the level of bullshit coming out of these two MP's, desperate to hold on to their seats despite widespread policy failures.

Their two brains were required to develop a catchy "Growing Cairns" reelection plan around "New Projects and New Infrastructure to Make Cairns Stronger".  No word on the old projects promised at the last election that haven't seen the light of day - the dredging of Trinity Inlet being the most glaring empty promise. 

While King was seen exploiting the Murray Street tragedy with claims he was a "neighbour", he's since been in hiding as the failures of the Queensland Government Transport policy in Cairns have been on display at the New Year's Eve celebrations, along with the abrupt closure of the major aviation employer SkyTrans.  King's feud with the Wild family has yet to be explained.  

A shudder is now going through the Cairns LNP with word that like Dracula rising from the grave, former Cairns Mayor Kevin "Hiding from the Pakis" Byrne is set to make another political comeback - - as Palmer United Candidate for the Seat of Cairns, in opposition to both MP Gavin King and ALP Candidate, Cairns Councillor Rob Pyne.  

The undead Byrne, who's
spent the last few years hiding in PNG as Corporate Affairs Manager for American company Interoil,  lost his unjob some time ago.  An unjob that saw him penning intellectual tomes for an Interoil newsletter like "Safety Is A Priority" and 'Spreading Around Money to Screw the Locals'.

While the Gavin King campaign machine gears up to take credit for things he didn't do and explain why all his promises have fallen short, a Byrne run for the seat will easily put an end to King's chances and enliven the race.  The short-tempered Byrne is even more of a loose cannon than Clive Palmer himself.  


AJS said...

Byrne standing for the PUP? Paul Freebody must have turned then down.

Bob R. said...

Yeah I can see a lot of Tories voting for Palmer. He represents their creed which is LOOK AFTER NUMBER ONE, MATE, fuck everyone else. Christ or mighty though how many fucken candidates will we have all lined up this time hey? Still reckon Pyney will shit it in though.

Anonymous said...

Pyney is a shit you mean?

Anonymous said...

The pimply Paper Boy doesn't have a chance. He is a cying lunt and needs to be locked up.
He has done a very bad job of pretending to be a pollie. Kind regards Dorothy Rogers.

Anonymous said...

Anon 23:20 No Gav, Rob R means Pyney will wipe the shit off the floor with you at the ballot box.

Anonymous said...

Is Werner Schmidlin still around up there? He awfen wrote to the Cans Ghost. He should run for the seat of Cairns as he knows everything. I thought he would be named 'Hillbilly of the Year for Cans' but your editor must have been too busy to hand out this prestigious award. It was nice to read Dorothy Rogers note. She is so tactful. King regards to you too Dot is you read this.

Anonymous said...

Hope there is also a Katter candidate and an Independent. Greens have to start stepping up to be like the Greens in the rest of the nation. The more there is the more they have to fight for a win. Cairns needs surgery, not slogans.

Anonymous said...

The loss of Skytrans is a major catastrophe for Cairns and we should be screaming about this one and all.
The writing was on the wall when that contract was given to an outside company. That's when we should ALL have been bellowing loud and clear.
Apathy rules supreme here and the last thing Cairns needs is Kevin Byrne. This man has proved to be a total failure on several continents.

urb said...

here we fucken go again. if anyone can get fungs project up it has to be that barge arse byrne and all his pole smoking handshaker mates. i think i'll go into politics to set myself up forever. only takes a few years of sellin yer arse and ya sorted. comin with me shanghai?

Tony Hillier said...

Self-serving politicians masquerading as representatives of the people have reduced Australian parliaments and local councils to pantomime level at best and snake pits at worst. Cairns is particularly poorly served by present incumbents, with the notable exception of Rob Pyne. Rumours of Kevin Byrne throwing his hat into the mayoral ring (again) or, god forbid, standing as a State candidate (again) — and for fatty Palmer's pseudo political party, would you please — sums up the current farcical situation.

Anonymous said...

Rugnut Mackenzie is going to be in a bit of a quandary now. Which one will he allow to monopolise his crap radio talk back show? Byrne or King? Decisions, decisions.

shanghai said...

urb your a classic.. im sending u an invite to one of my boozie yum cha's u have class and etiquette of les Patterson u would fit in so well but please remember I am virgin in the arse I think ? we do uber bus and politics sound good yeah

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable !!!
Hillier (as Bayfly), has been whingin' & moanin' about all Council's since old man Pyne was Mayor.
As for KB standing for PUP !!!
Well you read it here on HBW, and you will read it no where else.
KB's way to smart to be involved with PUP.
Go play some old LP's Tony to soothe your tormented soul.
Something to remind you of ol' London town.

Observer said...

Rugnut will be in a swoon, methinks. King will be ditched into the garbage can faster than anyone can say - AQUIS. Rugnut is a classic fairweather friend as King will soon learn.

Anonymous said...

Can Skytrans sue King?

Hamish Krint said...

Today's election date by Cando will get things humming. Interestingly, still no EIS about the reef dredging - forgotten? tucked away till after the election? But don't forget the most important message - vote for King and you'll get a bus after midnight on New Year's Eve - whoopee!!!

Anonymous said...

Petrol drops below $1 a litre in Sydney: Lowest price in six years


NYM said...

Just watched King on a video clip somewhere saying something about the chaos in the Cairns hospital. Yeah we know. How many thousands are on the waiting list for surgery? Dont know about Byrne joining Palmers look after me party but I would believe some slimeball self serving prick of a bastard will be endorsed by PUP here. Palmer will cough up all the dough needed for the campaign and whoever stands will be guaranteed at least 20% of the vote as disgusted LNP voters turn away from King in droves. So why wouldnt somebody not stand for PUP? Im not a political expert but I would deduct that the race in Cairns would be between the ALP and PUP. Bring it on I say and my money is on the man in the wheelchair.

Anonymous said...

With Palmer bankrolling an election campaign and LNP voters looking for someone else to vote for, whoever stands as a PUP candidate is guaranteed easy votes. I'm thinking the same therefore as NYM. Someone connected with the LNP will pop up for sure under the PUP banner and run a campaign of sheer deceit trying to convince voters they aren't really Tories. Hopefully the voters won't be fooled by this trickery.

Anonymous said...

It's a farkin wonder Freebody hasn't bloody rushed in to get PUP endorsement. All his election campaign paid for, I mean that's enough to attract even a sewer rat.

Observer said...

If Palmer is prepared to bankroll a candidate here, you can bet he would have quite a roll up of self serving wanna be MPs most of whom would be sewer rate deserting the sinking ship of the LNP. I am looking forward to see who it is.

Anonymous said...

When can we vote out Manning?

Tony Hillier said...

Proposals to make politicians shoulder their share of the weight now that the Age of Entitlement is over:
1. Scrap political pensions.
Politicians can purchase their own retirement plan, just as most other working Australians are expected to do.
2. Retired politicians (past, present and future) participate in Centrelink.
A Politician collects a substantial salary while in office but should receive no salary when they're out of office.
Terminated politicians under 70 can go get a job or apply for Centrelink unemployment benefits like ordinary Australians.
Terminated politicians under 70 can negotiate with Centrelink like the rest of the Australian people.
3. Funds already allocated to the Politicians' retirement fund be returned immediately to Consolidated Revenue. This money is to be used to pay down debt they created which they expect us and our grandchildren to repay for them.
4. Politicians will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Politicians pay will rise by the lower of, either the CPI or three per cent.
5. Politicians lose their privileged health care system and participate in the same health care system as ordinary Australian people.
i.e. Politicians either pay for private cover from their own funds or accept ordinary Medicare.
6. Politicians must equally abide by all laws they impose on the Australian people.
7. All contracts with past and present Politicians men/women are void effective31/12/14.

The Australian people did not agree to provide perks to Politicians, that burden was thrust upon them. Politicians devised all these contracts to benefit themselves. Serving in Parliament is an honour not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so our politicians should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

Anonymous said...

Yeah well under those conditions I reckon we should just get some Filipinos on 457 visas to represent us.