4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

20 January 2016


"Cueball" John MacKenzie has been the taxi driver's best friend as Cairns has become one of the few holdouts against the Uber Ridesharing system.  Taxi drivers around the world have had varied responses to Uber.  Most major cities in the world now embrace the Uber experience - which they describe as ". . seamlessly connecting riders to drivers through the Uber app, making cities more accessible, opening up more possibilities for riders, and increasing business for drivers". 

In many cities around the world Uber is being used as an adjunct to taxi services, and many of those licenced taxi owners are also now Uber-activated.  In high-taxi-use areas like the Gold Coast, taxi drivers are many of those who also work as Uber drivers.  

So it was a mystery this morning when Cueball welcomed the initiative by a Mr. Troy Haines in Trinity Beach who invented the "Carpool Northern Beaches" service for residents "fed up with traffic headaches on the choked-up roads".  

Troy Haines has "invented" Uber for Cairns.  Sadly, without the technology, driver investigation, licencing, insurances, and other requirements of Uber.

Haines is a self-described start-up and innovation coach who says he has a "knack for coming up with bright ideas".  Sure, it's easy when you steal someone else's idea - but hardly an "innovation"!

Haines has suggested his idea innovations include:

  • Connecting riders with drivers (Same as Uber)
  • No smoking, no unplanned stops (Same as Uber)
  • Decisions about charges for each trip (Yup, same as Uber)
  • Save on petrol, parking, and congestion (Same as Uber)
  • Heaps of people interested  (Same as Uber)
  • Using Facebook as internet connector (Worse than Uber, which has a dedicated app)
  • Calls it "ridesharing"  (Lipstick on a pig)

The idea was also supported by MP Craig Crawford, Member for Barron River - who's ALP leaders are currently opposed to ride sharing services like Uber.

Haines crows he's "on the creative edge" with something that's "never been done before".  Sadly ol' Cueball doesn't have the brain cells to nut out the absurdity of this statement.  But we recall John MacKenzie was chief spruiker for the Lutec 2000, a "perpetual motion" machine that was supposed to provide free power for everyone in Cairns.   We're still waiting. . . . 

Ironically, Haines is known to be a registered Uber driver, and has been surreptitiously working as an Uber driver since mid-2015.  He in fact was a local driver in the Uber "Free Ice Cream" promotion last July - including to us.  

So it's hard to say what the real nefarious reasons are behind the flurry of (Un)Uber activity that Haines is taking credit for creating.  Taking credit for inventing the Cairns-version of Uber doesn't do anything to lend credibility to his faltering "innovation training business", that's for sure.  The only "innovation" here is that Haines has recognised that neither the Cairns Post nor John MacKenzie has the brainpower to get past well-crafted bullshit.  

But we can always count on John MacKenzie to get to the bottom of every fly-by-night venture that shows up in the Cairns Post.  


Anonymous said...

Holy shit, this is hilarious!!! Best laugh I've had this week! So ol mate in the white shirt (complete with erect nipples) and the giant tank holding the ice cream (no, we don't want to see her nipples) must have been smoking Kuranda green and been on a parallel universe to spruik an old invention such as uber! Is this shit for real? Have they been asleep for a couple of years (like Sleepy Bob)? Cueball is a tosser supporting these Hillbillys and as for the Compost, well I'm not surprised they ran the story, must be just a janitor and nightshift security guard left to write articles for that pathetic bullshit paper......hilarious shit, Cairns - the retards of the world!

Anonymous said...

Icky Jurd, fucking serious? Can't be her real name, surely? That big unit should be called 'Sticky Turd'!

Anonymous said...

Troy Haines I knew that name from somewhere! Active member of Access Consciousness (Gabi Plumm also an active member). It's a cult started by a chiropractor and a real estate agent in the US that has a cell in Nth Qld. They have annual meetings which are all about free sex and eating lollies (yeah weird combination!) crackpots! He's a friend of Howie The Social Guy too.

Anonymous said...

Well 'sticky turd' must also be a member of the group, no shortage of lollies consumed by her!

Anonymous said...

Ken the Cabbie, another McKenzie regular is already strongly opposing this. The shock jock seems to think this guy is some sort of oracle. Remember their endless whinging about the McLeod St traffic changes ? This is exactly the sort of audience Manning and co is appealing to.

I think the sticky turd designed the paperboy's crappy website. Say no more...

Dean said...

You've got this round the wrong way.

Ridesharing has been around for over a decade, it's just carpooling (which has been around since cars were invented) using the internet.

Uber started as a ridesharing app and then realised it could make money simply by linking a driver to a passenger rather than doing the whole ridesharing gambit of finding people headed in the same direction. Uber just finds a driver who has a car and nothing better to do.

Ridesharing in the traditional sense is usually people headed in the same direction taking it in turns to do the driving and therefore splitting costs. Or, one person doing the driving every day and the others chipping in for petrol/expenses. It's been around a long time and it should be in much greater communal use. Places like the Northern Beaches are perfect for it.

You wouldn't catch an uber to the city every day (you have to pay the driver for all of their time, because they wouldn't do it otherwise. But you would certainly save money by ridesharing every day (over driving yourself).

This gentleman still didn't invent anything though, but he applied a theory to a location where it would work.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just i just split my sides with what you write. Sticky Turd is a brilliant name as was Icky Jurd. Can I have more details on the Lolly and Sex club. I have been looking for a new hobby and this ticks both boxes -or should i say fills all the boxes!!

Anonymous said...

I think the 'lolly and sex club' has something to do edible undies, lifesaver rings and chocolate penises! Perhaps the name 'icky Jurd' is a Japanese phrase for 'large white whale which mates with bald erect nipple charlatan'?