4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News

4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News
4CA - Queensland's Home for Fake News Led by John "Cueball" Mackenzie

14 July 2017

CAIRNS NOW TOUTED TO THE WORLD AS "TOURISM DEATH CAPITAL" IN DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO ATTRACT MORE VISITORS

With the death of the northern Great Barrier Reef now looking to be imminent, Cairns is expanding its reputation as the wildlife death capital of the world.


In a fawning caller to the Cairns Mayor for Vice Terry James, the following priorities were listed by Cueball Show callers - to the strong agreement by James and John MacKenzie.  


•  Humans are here now - we should get on with killing all the crocodiles
•  The flying foxes "are spreading the seeds of weeds into the pristine rainforest" - so we should kill all the bats, too
•  We organise contests to kill the cane toads
•  We organise contests to kill the tilapia, too - a fish that most other people around the world eat as a delicacy!
•  All those pesky wallabies on the Northern Beaches and in the Southern Suburbs are "eventually all going to get run over" anyway.  We should kill them all now, and save our cars from the panel beaters
•  The aboriginal street people are embarrassing Australia to the tourists - if we can't kill them, we should at least bus them far, far, out of town.
•  Our teens, who have NO chance of a casual part-time job, NO recreational events since council cutback on all the neighbourhood programs, and NO future in the FNQ economy, steal cars out of boredom.  MacKenzie routinely calls for their execution. . . (Stupid fucking residents still insist on leaving their keys in their cars)
 Council should NOT use ratepayer money to pay for any more o' them faggot ballet dancers as entertainment in our parks.  We don't need no homo cultural events.
•  And since we've already killed all the turtles, we now have to figure out a way to kill the jellyfish who used to be controlled by them!

And it was also noted by Bransfords Tackle shop owner Keith Graham, who organised last week's "young fisho's tournament" at Palm Cove that, despite near-perfect conditions, the actual number of fish caught had declined from last year by almost 50%!  That have anything to do with the warming of our ocean and death of our reef?  Nah. . . .

(Graham, btw, was caught out shortchanging his already minimum-wage employees while he lines his own pockets with "death dollars".  All while he sells $300 sunglasses to "pro fishos") 




TTNQ has finally selected our new marketing slogan:

CAIRNS:  WE'VE KILLED EVERYTHING THAT MAKES US UNIQUE FOR YOUR HOLIDAY CONVENIENCE



22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fish catch is down 50% hey? Maybe it's the pollution in general and the fuel leaking from the Cairns airport underground pipes and the PFOS and PFOA contamination near the GA precinct??

Anonymous said...

Fuck the fish. They are like the smart residents and pissing off and moving South, away from the retarded, hillbilly, faggot environment of Cairns.

Anonymous said...

Why not flog the dead horse if there is money to made!??

Anonymous said...

That's a shitload of killing off man. Let's save all the animals and just make all the politicians and crooked businessman that load the Pollies pockets extinct. Cairns, and the world would be a better place.

Anonymous said...

What a joke, Tge Minister for Blogs will be on 60 Minutes Sunday night championing a Cairns local he got screwed by Comm Bank! HA HA HA. What a joke. Fucking Entsche has sat be idly for years while thousands of FNQ folk have been financially bum fucked by banks, insurers, electricity suppliers, state and federal and local governments and the list is endless. The buffoon has done nothing. Yet now he jumps up to defend a civilian? WTF. As if he could give a shit. Fuck, his boss Malcolm is a $200m ba later himself who got rich on Wall Street and working for capitalist hedge fund vermin who have literally fucked the Western world due to their relentless greed. And currently Malcolm is acting like a Labour PM and loading Australia, its children and future grandchildren down with hundreds of billions of dollars debt. Which won't affect him in his Point Piper palace with his wealth hidden offshore with the rest of the capitalist pigs hiding from paying the taxes the rest of us shitbags have to pay!
Warren, piss off you giant breathing ecoli sample. Hypocrite and jerk.

Anonymous said...

It's true it's true, Cairns is dead! Everything has been killed off - the reef, most of the coral, the City, the infrastructure, the roads, the airport, the Council, the once quality Kuranda marijuana, and even Sleepy Bobs breath is like a dead corpse. We really need a Cat 5 cyclone this summer to level this shithole we live in and give us the chance to build from scratch. I've started doing my rain dance as we speak!

Anonymous said...

WTF $300 bucks for some cheap brand gook fisho sunglasses? For $300 I can get a months worth of nightly blowjobs at Edmonton, or a weeks worth of piss, a couple of weeks of KFC or 3 mins on a reef charter boat. Count me in dudes Centrelink will pay for me. Thanks Malcolm ya fucktard

Anonymous said...

Maybe Cairns can be marketed in a different way, perhaps as a 'Come visit the freak show'? You could start with sending tourists to meet the bong smokers and freaks in Kuranda, followed by a trip to Ravenshoe to see the people with two heads. The. Head back to Cairns for a tour of 'little Asia' among the rundown shanties known as the city shops, streets of shitty old shop fronts manned by Asians with cash only shops selling $2 crap to dumb tourists. Then it is off to view public sex at the lagoon, followed by the most dangerous part of the tour - a bus ride through Mooroobool at night. Don't worry, it's not the locals you need to fear it's the trip on the disease ridden Sun Bus that will kill you! Then we are off to the Daintree to 'spot a vet'. They are usually well camouflaged amongst the forest but be careful because using the word 'charlie' or having your camper can backfire could cause set them off and cause WW3. Now for a quick trip to the Cairns airport for a look at the outdated 1970's decide in the international terminal before scooping up some of that leaking Tarmac fuel and filling the tour bus (sewer bus) for free. Then it's off for a rip off trip to the 'former reef' where tourisats will be mesmerised by the sight of dead white bleached coral and the odd parrot fish, awesome! Let's not forget a quick stop at Curball's radio show where you get to listen to a bald headed Tranny lover dressed in denim shorts and pluggers kissing the areas of big business and local retarded politicians as he gets so excited by his own tirade of bullshit that he starts playing with his tiny todger while live on air! The climax of this holiday for our tourists is 2 hours in the Council chamber where they get to watch Sleepy Bob snoring away during the session, watch Councillors pretend to help the community while in reality they are there approving changes that will benefit them or a shiny businessman financially somehow.
So yes, welcome to Cairns and enjoy your stay......

Anonymous said...

WTF did you say Shanghia?

Anonymous said...

Bransfords is a rip off. Overpriced crap. Never a shortage of dumb locals lined up to buy their rubbish. Go to EBay friends and pay a third of the price and save yourself some money!

Anonymous said...


They are scared of anything that moves.

Anonymous said...

Last time during the council back-slapping hour McKenzie aggressively asked: so what are you going to do about those BLOODY wallabies? He's left the bats alone for a while, his whinge about crocs is getting more virulent by the day and now he's got those dangerous marsupials in his sight. It's truly repulsive.

Anonymous said...

hilarious boys.keep it up,ilive for this stuff,by the way whats happened to the 520 million paradise palms non developement.

Anonymous said...

I bet he is passionate about the well being of Gerbils though.

shanghai said...

chill cairns we are alright .here I go again pay your debts off and feeling bad look around where u live world heritage reef and forest .people travel the world to come here. fuck stop bitching/say hello ,smile ,say welcome to cairns its soothing and then they go social media and say cairns is cool etc etc etc.if we are going to be arseholes so be it but look in the mirror and say did I contribute/hinder that's the challenge cairns help /hinder/ black /and white? its everyone's responsibility.

Anonymous said...


Picture of a guy in the paper who got bitten by a gecko. Send in the troops.

Anonymous said...

I think Cairns should be marketed as a sort of modern day Jurassic Park! You bring tourists here to look at the ancient civilisation of people with two heads, they can see the Stone Age business practised being practised by local shonky tour operators, construction companies and legal firms. Go for a tour in a pre-civilisation mode of transport - a Sun Bus. Look at locals who still use crude ancient weapons in Mooroobool. A tour of the airport will let you have a look at the more ancient style infrastructure and decore used many centuries ago. But wait, we ain't done. A tour of the lagoon, Cueballs residential street and Council chambers will provide a view of Neolithic cavemen battling to the death over a bag of money, over a queer Euro backpackers weiner or for a well fought after rort. And that's just for starters. Yes dear tourists please come visit our stinking hot humid tropical shithole where the coral is fucked insurance is unaffordable, fuel is a rip off and tradesmen are the most arrogant, unreliable, uneducated, rude fucktards you could ever hope not to meet. Yes Cairns, the dying hole-of-a-place where the only ones who are wealthy or are profiteering are the public servants, politicians and drug runners.

Anonymous said...

Maybe sleepy and the dwarf brains at the unregional council could buy the frozen Swiss couple who spewed out the bottom of the glacier and display them at the museum,the stink can't be any worse than the pathetic stink flower at botanic gardens.Just an idea!

Anonymous said...

The wallabies will get destroyed by the all blacks next month so don't worry about them.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Cairns dying, how are all the ex Cairns airport managers careers going since new CEO Norris Carter sacked them? Has the ex HR Manager found work yet within her 'specialist' field? Surely she has picked up work that matches her skill set and is picking seasonal fruit in the Tablelands or perhaps cleaning the lagoon pool filters at night? And the ex CFO, the one who last year promised all those additional new routes but delivered none? Has he found work yet, perhaps cleaning the coins out of arcade machines or working from someone's garden shed in Tully doing accounting for some small local business? What about the big bald Buffon property developer who didn't develop any property at all except for a Hotel at Mackay airport that is always empty! Has he found work yet leasing out delapidated shop front buildings in the CBD or perhaps leasing out 20 foot shipping containers as storage sheds? That leaves the 4 foot tall ASSets manager. Has he found work at Bunnings perhaps ordering cartons of nails and fibro sheeting for our local weekend DIY warriors? Yes, some careers at Cairns airport that died and are in fact now just as dead as the Cairns economy, the reef, and local politicians ability to do anything good.

Anonymous said...

That is funny Annon 06:25, but you didn't mention McCreepy and how she/he looks lately! What's doing with that mans haircut/straight fringe? She looks like a Katoy. Perhaps it is a wig? Bald underneath? Maybe she is going through a sex change? It has also stacked on weight and has the tuckshop lady arms. Might be time for it to update its misleading LinkedIn profile because she certainly doesn't look like that anymore!!! Throw a couple of bolts in its neck and you have Frankensteins twin. What an odd place the airport is. Miserable, weird fucks.

Anonymous said...

WTF 20:50, old age will do that to you, all those fucked up hormones and shit, no doubt she also has chin whiskers and other unpalatable things happening to the aging old body that are too gross to mention.