In a fawning caller to the Cairns Mayor for Vice Terry James, the following priorities were listed by Cueball Show callers - to the strong agreement by James and John MacKenzie.
• Humans are here now - we should get on with killing all the crocodiles
• The flying foxes "are spreading the seeds of weeds into the pristine rainforest" - so we should kill all the bats, too
• We organise contests to kill the cane toads
• We organise contests to kill the tilapia, too - a fish that most other people around the world eat as a delicacy!
• All those pesky wallabies on the Northern Beaches and in the Southern Suburbs are "eventually all going to get run over" anyway. We should kill them all now, and save our cars from the panel beaters
• The aboriginal street people are embarrassing Australia to the tourists - if we can't kill them, we should at least bus them far, far, out of town.
• Our teens, who have NO chance of a casual part-time job, NO recreational events since council cutback on all the neighbourhood programs, and NO future in the FNQ economy, steal cars out of boredom. MacKenzie routinely calls for their execution. . . (Stupid fucking residents still insist on leaving their keys in their cars)
• Council should NOT use ratepayer money to pay for any more o' them faggot ballet dancers as entertainment in our parks. We don't need no homo cultural events.
• And since we've already killed all the turtles, we now have to figure out a way to kill the jellyfish who used to be controlled by them!
And it was also noted by Bransfords Tackle shop owner Keith Graham, who organised last week's "young fisho's tournament" at Palm Cove that, despite near-perfect conditions, the actual number of fish caught had declined from last year by almost 50%! That have anything to do with the warming of our ocean and death of our reef? Nah. . . .
(Graham, btw, was caught out shortchanging his already minimum-wage employees while he lines his own pockets with "death dollars". All while he sells $300 sunglasses to "pro fishos")
TTNQ has finally selected our new marketing slogan:
CAIRNS: WE'VE KILLED EVERYTHING THAT MAKES US UNIQUE FOR YOUR HOLIDAY CONVENIENCE